All it took was one meeting back in the room, the room with so many memories of movement, of voices, of self-awareness and control, to remind me why I continue going for auditions. I have been searching for an old feeling in new places, so it makes complete sense for me to feel this surge of energy in the old room where I had the first rehearsals of my life.
It is with old memories that I try to converge new experiences and to ground them to what I know. I miss the wooden floors where I fractured my wrist during a warm up, I miss the way they creak when I walk across them with slow, controlled steps. I search for familiarity in the concrete floors of my hall by taking off my shoes like I used to, but the hardness of the ground is stiff rather than dependable. There are no creaks and I do not feel rooted or certain of what I do.
But I hold on to my old experiences dearly. I hold them close in the hope that whatever new experiences I have will be rewarding. Going back to my alma mater has made me consider the lack of discipline I've had. I let my emotions run all over the place during rehearsals. I lose my concentration. I have no self control.
No more. I will do the best I can for this play, and invest all my energies into the alumni play next. I can't wait.
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