I don't really know what happened with my blog. It wasn't meant to be so emotional and introspective when I first started out. But school and people and everything gets me down. Haha Amanda you're so lame.
Over the past few months in school (it was mostly hall) I have realised that I am a very insecure, inward looking, self-conscious, needy person but at the same time I can't bring myself to reach out to too many people. And when I lay it all down in words, I sound quite unappealing to myself too.
The same things repeat constantly in my head: insecurity, inadequacy, weariness, anger and sadness. Still feeling a bit of all that, but I'm trying to move off from this stagnancy. Got really angry and upset with a lot of things yesterday and a bit of today, but I reached home, away from almost everything and I feel so much better.
And on the car ride home, I am reminded of why I love theatre so much and I'm glad to have found at least one person who is allured by it as much as I am.
Listening to xxyyxx helps me. I can't believe I'm going to see him in January I'm so fucking psyched.
Having things to look forward to really calms me down and I actually feel glad enough to want to hug everyone because things can be good and things can go well and I have things to be positive about.
I should move my blog/delete everything soon.
I will figure things out.
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