home is wherever I'm with you

ahh home,

let me come home

home is wherever I'm with you

*

It's finals season! I sat through a paper while drowsy on food poisoning meds and battling nausea and headache! I think this has been my most yolo sem it really has been fucking my body up. But I really feel like doing insanity later to get rid of the remaining bloat haha. Oh well!

Should probably start a blog where I put on a happy persona and document my "very interesting" life with ootds and what I'm cooking and what I'm eating and what not. HAHA what a joke. Let's see how free I am during the holidays. 

Whichhhhh is probably not any time soon when am I ever free, between work and planning for camps and rehearsals WOW I don't even know if I have time to catch up with friends. Is this how I want to live my life in the future? Because it really feels like what I'm going to be like in the future. Squeezing everything into my schedule until I can't anymore. Amanda, you're the best at leaving no time wasted on commitments.

My irrational fears are attacking me again. I want it to stop. I can't sleep, I can't do anything right now but think about the same things, the same apocalypse, about being eaten alive, watching people die, images flashing across my eyes, transfixing images onto the current. I hear it too, the imagined sounds of people dying, of screaming, of growling, of teeth parting flesh.

I know they're fucking stupid irrational fears, but I can't. I just can't.