dyeing my hair is also a metaphor

So today I dyed my hair and it wasn't meant to be an obvious colour or anything (was going for a dark brown with purplish/auburn tints) but it ended up looking like this most of the time:

It looks black, basically

Under sunlight it's a little more obvious that I dyed my hair, but none of my family members noticed a thing. I'm not upset at the results; I expected it to be like this and I didn't mind it. But this whole thing was like a metaphor for my life (lol).

Every time I try to change something about myself or my situation, nothing really changes. Small, unobservable and subdued changes occur, but not enough for anyone to really notice. This is why I never make huge new year resolutions like save a thousand bucks. It's just not possible with me.

I am so stubborn as a person to be able to change, down to the tips of hairs. What the hell Amanda. You are always so lame as a person. But it doesn't matter (usually) as long as I like who I am. Why do I want people to notice whether I'm the same or not. It doesn't matter. 

Okay, it doesn't matter as long as I don't care about what people think. And I used to care more, but now I care less. People who know me probably know I am really self-conscious; can you imagine what I used to be like, in Hwach with all those people. Ugh.

But yeah. I'm mostly satisfied. Life isn't good, but it's adequate. Like my not so obvious hair colour. I don't like to be in your face anymore. In other words dyeing my hair was pretty pointless like much of my life, but I still feel good about it so yeah I can probably live with it.